Apart from having so much fun writing what Guys wanted in a Girl, I was inspired to write this because someone triggered me by asking what I looked for in a potential partner. I believe I speak for many when I say that my initial “list” in my 20s was three A4 pages long, over the years I crossed out many because I realised that I was asking for a unicorn or some mythical beast and not a man. Ten years of careful filtering has left me with one requirement: a pulse.
Unlike with guys, the girls who responded to this all seemed to resonate the same things with some responses being identical – here are my top 15.
1. Mirror, Mirror in the Gym:
Scrolling through social media, it's apparent that men either devote their waking hours to the gym or a bar. There's hardly any middle ground. They will either be too obsessed with their six pack or watering their fanny pack – both too busy to pay attention to girls. While no one made special note of good looks, there were a few requests to have guys who knew the balance in the physique department, after all, no one got abs to show just one girl.
2. That Dough, Though:
It's shocking to find that some men expect their wealth to be handed to them by their parents. As the golden child or the sudu putha this is mostly the case in the Lankan backdrop. The girls were all in favour of a man who understood the credit card money is as good as no money.
3. The Scale
While many guys express their love with grand gestures – 50 long-stemmed roses, champagne breakfasts, elephant safaris in Habarana while most often the elephant in the room is not addressed. I was happy when a female Lankan Redditor said that she would love a partner who extended their love by sharing responsibilities around the house. Since these grand gestures are limited to two to three times a year, why not look at cost-effective means of helping with dishes and laundry that will display their love throughout the year! After all, most of these chores centre around both parties and it makes no sense why the weight is mostly loaded on the female.
4. Miss(ing) Esteem
So many women want men who’d make them feel good – remember how you used to compliment her all the time when you first started dating? We’d like that to continue! I wish more men understood how powerful they are and how each word could boost esteem to just destroy it.
5. Bringing Back Dates
Dating is not just the phase that gets you into a relationship. There is no law that dictates that men should stop courting/dating their lady after many years of dating or marriage. Dating, as denoted by its term is a date/time affixed by both parties that are not limited to the premarital phase.
6. The Little Things
Now I understand that we discussed point 2, but isn’t it when you realise that you cannot afford the Rolex you say that you don’t like watches. If you don’t have men who treat you right, you feel the need to treat yourself. Thus, feminists are born. If you think feminists are born, you have another think coming. You’d be surprised that most women don’t really want expensive gifts all the time, but the key word we’re looking for is thoughtfulness.
7. O, the Patient One
Whether she is between jobs, salon appointments, trying to parallel park for 12 minutes, or just having a bad day, we’d want our men to be patient and not poke jabs at us saying, “Is it that time of the month again?”
8. Hygiene, or Bye Jean.
Oh, honey, personal hygiene isn’t slathering Rs. 12,000 cologne, it's about addressing the dark rim of dirt under your nails. The trick is to wear clean clothes, not expensive clothes. Do you remember that patch of garden space your neighbour would sometimes not prune for months, and the real plants wither away and sprouts ofwalgoyam emerge? It’s the same for guys, you can be fully shaved or grown – don’t look like extra unpaid actors of Castaway.
9. The Super Supportive:
A lot of times when women say they want someone to be supportive, we’re not talking about you carrying a heavy bag or being the one to open tight jars. Women responded to this by saying they want a supportive partner who could see them completing their education, professional development, and even helping them with their weight loss journey.
10. The Wise Spark:
Although a few women rooted for ‘educated’, I feel that 90% of this is for wisdom. Just plain wisdom about roads, groceries, finances, or even goodol’ plain lovin’.
11. Chore for Two, Please:
Housework isn’t for women only. If you think that it was your mother’s duty to manage chores, she destined you to be a prisoner to a woman for life. Pick up a broom, volunteer to load the washing machine, and I guarantee that your wife will fall in love with you all over again.
12. Mr Fix It:
Guys are automatically ‘fix’ things. They break perfectly functioning home appliances as kids to ‘fix’ them. They try to ‘fix’ people’s faces after a post-school brawl or fix matches. The list goes on. However, girls already know the solution to every problem they possess, yet feel the need to make you a part of this conversation. If she tells you that she wants to talk about a bad day she is having, this is code for, ‘just listen’.
13. The Dates and the Days:
Remembering important days is a big win. If you really need technology to help you with this, so be it. Just remember.
Conversations are the fuel your relationship will run on. Women need someone who will not just listen to them, but also to reciprocate.
Affection is not sexual intercourse, nor is it buying one a prized Buddhi Batiks sari and thinking that their duty is complete. I am yet to understand why most Lankan men shy away from physical affection like hugs, cute nicknames, and kisses in public, but are most happy to send shots of their pubic region.
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